It's the hardest thing watching someone destroy their lives or make terrible choices. You want nothing more than to help them; to somehow convince them to 'see the light' and change their ways. But the truth is, you cannot force anyone to change or see the error in their ways. No matter what you do, the decision must be made by them and them alone.
For me, this was the hardest lesson I have had to learn, because I so desperately wanted to help the people in my life reach what I believed to be 'obvious solutions and conclusions'. But what I discovered is that everything forced is unnatural, and by trying to 'push' help onto those around us, and by being the one who is willing to put up with their toxicity, we are only enabling their toxic spiral.
Here's a recent video that I did on how this realization changed my life for the better:
It's really hard to 'let go' of your role when you are bearing the burden for a very damaged and toxic person; you might even feel like you are responsible for their health and happiness. But that is all part of the very sad and toxic trap: while we may think that we are in fact helping them by constantly spending our energy in an effort to 'help' them, the truth is we are often stopping them from experiencing real change.
The kind of real change that comes from inside of their own hearts and minds, which can only come from the inside.